The exceptionally fascinating first year has passed. She is now a toddler, instead of a baby (even though till date I still see and term her as one using ‘baby’ in all the hashtags :P). And I am already missing the ‘younger’ Venice like way before now.
I have to say I am totally loving the close bond that we share, and that we’re inseparable (Mommy = “milk milk”). I adore her ‘stickiness’ to me (actually the Mommy is very sticky to her too :P) and whenever she does her koala bear style ‘thing’, my heart just melts completely.
• No ME time – My life is all about her/attending to her needs now. She has become my number 1 priority (she will always come before me). Don’t really have much time for myself except using the iPhone/MacBook while she naps or sleeps in the night. Other than that, there is usually not much I can do…
• No dating with the Daddy – Only went out a few times by ourselves when she was much younger and then she started rejecting the bottle. Our last movie was like, “Wreck It, Ralph”. *duh. And now whenever we go out, definitely comes as a package, as a family. 🙂
• Skipping friends gatherings – I’ve opted ‘out’ to numerous outings/meet-ups due to strict diet and venue restrictions (breastfeeding) as I didn’t want to impose those restrictions and cause any inconvenience to the outings too.
• Gone days without bathing – Yes, I am guilty (but the consolation is that I think many other SAHMs share the same experience as me). But those WERE the days… Recently I’ve “leveled up” and managed to be able to bathe together (decent bath) with her so, “Hooray!” for me. 🙂
• No time for personal/basic grooming – Daily skincare regime is not JUST an easy 5-10 minutes for me. If I can complete the whole ‘routine’, I’ll normally be feeling accomplished and somewhat pleased.
• NO luxury grooming at all – No facials, spas, manicures/pedicures (since we’re inseparable, and also the fact that I am more kiasi and extra careful (I abide by the “better safe than sorry” rule) now that I have Venice and I really do not want to be in touch with any chemicals/unknown drugs). Not to mention, JUST a haircut… I’m in need of one, badly, now, and I’d wanted to go since before CNY? Shows how a simple haircut is such a BIG+DIFFICULT ‘PROJECT’.
• Not being able to dress up ‘pretty’ – I miss wearing pretty dresses/skirts and heels… Accessories especially necklaces and embellishments on my top (clothing) are a strict no-no since she tends to always ‘bang’ her head onto my chest area. I’m breastfeeding so my choice of clothes is pretty limited/straightforward – easy to pull up tops. Skirts are kind of inconvenient since I’m always carrying her and I do not want any unnecessary ‘exposure’. And heels I worry about balance and stress on my feet since I normally carry her for long. So many times I actually envy other ladies who get to dress up oh-so-prettily. But I’ll have my chance soon. 🙂
• Messy and unkempt hair – That’s usually how my hair is on a normal daily basis (especially more previously – now my hair is so much an improvement as I’ll try to tidy up whenever I can). My mum would always say with a giggle, “Why your hair so messy? (So busy until your hair also so untidy.)”. Yeah, thanks Mum. *lol
• Hair loss – This is a SERIOUS problem. Ever since I don’t know when, my hair has been dropping and dropping, dropping and dropping (the hormonal changes + (still) breastfeeding I believe), until my ponytail mane has turned so thin (it was really very thick previously), and all my hair is always EVERYWHERE. Each time I comb my hair downwards, I see hair. On the comb, falling off to the ground… 😦 And not too long ago I noticed in some of the photos the top of my head actually has a lobang! *super ugly. And so even though I would love to dye my hair (to a color more ‘atrocious’ or should I say different maybe), I think I’d better put on hold else I may have NO hair after I do the dyeing.
(I’ve actually been editing on this post for countless times especially on the above (‘despite’ portion). I guess I’m just not in favor of/too comfortable writing down any negatives in relation to my precious girl (which may seemingly sound like ‘complaining’ (now that I have her in my life)). Or simply because it might create an impression that I don’t love her (which is TOTALLY untrue – in fact, I am crazily in love with her!). But I decided (again) to so perhaps in the future IF I really do forget about the details in this beginning phase of my motherhood journey now, I’d have this to refer to and recall the details back/reminisce. :))
…I love this phase of motherhood now (and of course the upcoming many other phases as well, and of course the WHOLE motherhood journey). So what (to the above ‘despite’s)? There will come a stage where she no longer needs me THIS much, where she is not totally dependent on me now, and things will change. I will have more time then. I will be able to go on dates with the Daddy. I will be able to meet up with my girlfriends (without much restrictions, just like how it used to be). I will be able to doll myself up, wear a pretty dress and walk in killer heels. I shall have a lovely haircut (and new color!) and look refreshingly ‘fresh’/edgy (*haha). I shall go for facials, spas and manicures to pamper my aging body (*haha)……….
So… I’m not in a hurry, really. I always tell myself (aware of the fact that), the time will come when she won’t be this close to me anymore (and it’s true), and I may long for it but this phase will just have passed and become part of a beautiful memory of my lifelong journey as a mother, and then I’ll be missing all these times. So I really treasure the times I have with her now. I treasure the close bond that we share right now. I feel blessed and honored that she is sticky to me (it probably means she really loves me so I guess I’m doing a pretty good job as a mother right now? *smug), because she wants me, she needs me. I am her mother. It is in my blood then I am (fully) responsible for her overall well-being and emotional needs. I love her dearly and I believe she loves me dearly too. And so I am happy despite, all that… I’m fine (cool) with it. I have to say (clarify), it’s really no big deal. 🙂
Yes, there may be times I may feel somewhat down (normally just for that moment/short while only, which I think it’s normal, isn’t it? – otherwise I’m probably abnormal), but otherwise I am living a very happy life now. I am blessed to be able to stay home (not work, and be a SAHM (a darn proud one too!), thanks to my hubby) and look after her 24/7 and be able to witness her every new milestone, be the first to know what happens exactly and when each day, be the one to update the others on what has happened, or if she just did something new/cute, be by her side ALL the time, cuddle right next to her and be able to take naps together with her, be her ‘main’ playmate and ‘teacher’ (I guess), seeing her smile brightly when she wakes up and sees me first thing in the morning… I love how she is always ‘finding’ me and coming over to ‘cling’ into me… How she whines for me and stops once I carry her. (I could really just go on and on here…) All these means ALOT to me. And I am thankful and appreciative of what I have and am going through now.
Motherhood. This first/early phase of motherhood. I’m a mother now, it’s no longer just me. Something AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL happened to me. (Actually) my life changed (completely) the very moment she started ‘residing’ inside me. She shared with me/’borrowed’ my body as her ‘home’ while she grew bigger and bigger all safe in my tummy… And then I actually gave birth to her. It was only then I feel like I’ve really become a COMPLETE woman (though I’m still like a child at times). I’m HER mother. I’m Venice‘s Mommy.
I love you, sweetie. You mean everything to me. My life has completely changed for the better now that I have you in it. You just make everything worth it. You complete me. You complete US.